Devotional - 4/7/03
“A Not-So-Peaceful Worship Leader"
Romans 8:6 The mind of the sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace.
I've used this same scripture for a devotion once before. I followed it with pithy commentary like:
"It's something I think we all need right now: peace. There is much turmoil in our world, our lives, and in our church. Without God's peace, we are sure to spin hopelessly out of control. The remedy, however, is laid out before us, in plain black-and-white. All it takes is a releasing of your mind to the Spirit's control."
Sounds so pat, huh? I guess I was due for a reality check.
Yesterday I was scrambling to get ready to leave home because I had an 8:15 sound check (on Daylight Savings Time Sunday, no less!). I had to play guitar on three songs -- two of which I don't know very well. I was an actor in the sketch. I had spent four hours putting together a slide show Saturday for the closing song; it really moved me by the time I had it done, but it had been a real BEAR getting it there, and now I was nervous that things would go wrong technically when I was running it for real. So at 7:50 when the family still wasn't ready to leave, I found myself downright furious. The mad scramble was getting under my skin, and I lost it with a few choice words.
A great example for a Worship Leader to portray, don't you think? I heed my own worship devotions SO well, don't you think?
On the road, going 80 mph down the expressway, I thought to myself, "What is a Christian to do in a situation like this? Trust that even with starting late everything will somehow come together? Jettison or simplify programming to reduce stress? Pull over and pray for peace?" None of the options appealed to me. I just wanted everything to work out according to plan -- MY plan.
But the Lord was working on me.
Sound check and drama rehearsal actually ended on time. I made it through the worship block feeling like I had been able to re-center and actually lead worship, and even let myself worship. But during the sermon I realized that I hadn't even asked the guest preacher to pray at the end of his sermon or to do a benediction. As a result I sat watching him half-in the light and half-out of the light, worrying that the service would end awkwardly. And during the closing song, while I was advancing the slides, there was a lighting miscue that put Elaine in the dark on stage. I knew she needed some light to be able to read her lyric sheet and suddenly became terrified that she would lose her place. Once again, I felt the emotions swell and realized that this thing I was striving for -- peace -- was eluding me.
Now before you condemn me for my abominable display by saying something like, "That's just inexcusable for a minister to act that way," take a good look in the mirror. Worship Arts is my passion, and when I feel it being compromised, I feel the same tension that you feel whenever your passion is compromised. EVERYONE has a passion for something, and it can become a stumbling block to peace if we let it. Just because my passion happens to intersect with ministry doesn't necessarily change the expectation for you; God expects that same peaceful attitude from you no matter what you're doing.
But as your leader, I do accept the responsibility to lead by example, and I can't expect you all to act peacefully while I enjoy my tirades. So I want to apologize to anyone who felt the brunt of my failure yesterday: starting with my Lord, then my family, then my co-laborers in ministry. I pledge to seek the peace that comes from a mind controlled by the Spirit rather than the sinful man.
There's nothing wrong with a gut-check now and again.
- Dale Haas